Remembering Sarah White

Our Prayer

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Dear God,

I know I don’t have to tell you, because Sarah is with you now, but she died on Saturday February 22nd, 2020, and we already miss her so much. I was thinking back to when you gave her to us June 14th, 1991. We were so happy. God I was remembering though that we almost didn’t think we were going to have her. I know you remember because you see all our sorrows and pain and you treasure all our tears in a bottle. You remember that day we got the ultrasound, when there was no baby, no heartbeat; you remember our confusion, our sorrow, our doubts, you saw the blood work “that didn’t look promising.” I know you remember, because you are always there, even when it doesn’t feel like it, even when it doesn’t look like it. You heard our desperation when We asked if they could do one more ultrasound before we went in for the D and C. and then, you did something amazing. You formed a baby, you mended the sack, you gave YOUR life and her little heart started to beat, and oh did it ever beat. God, you gave us a fiery, reckless girl.

No matter how hard I tried, she would not be tamed. God, I’m wondering since you made her that way, is she even still like that up there with you now? I’m sure she is no longer trying to make improvements, take charge, or making long term plans. I’m sure she finally knows your ways are best, and that she can now fully rest in your care, right? She always did seem to have a struggle with all that, you know how much I do as well.

Lord do you remember when she came to me when she was around 12 years old and how she told me that she needed to get a job and said, “Daddy, How will I ever be able to buy a car so I won’t be stuck here my whole life?” I really went out on a limb for you that day God, and told her how you would care for her, and meet all her needs. I started to teach her how to drive on that big blue van that you gave us. I guess one of the neighbors must have felt bad, and maybe a little scared, so they asked us to please come over and that Sarah could have her car. God you are so good!! Thank you for doing that for her.

Do you remember how much she loved to sing? How she would sing her heart out so loudly and passionately? I know you loved hearing her. I remember one time someone thought she was singing a bit too loud for church and asked if I shouldn’t maybe talk to her about it. I just knew trying to tame that passionate heart was not any battle I was going to attempt, so I sent the person a bunch of Bible verses about shouting to the Lord, clanging the loud cymbals, and raising your voices to the LORD in praise. Over the years we kind of came to the conclusion that being loud is okay with you God.

Lord You really rescued me there, I can also think of other times you rescued me like how Sarah was always so dead set on joining the military. You know me and her mom and how scared we were of that one. I think you must have told her because she compromised and thought, “Fine, I’ll be a paramedic, or a flight for life nurse.”

You knew Sarah just wanted to belong, to have a purpose, to make a difference, to change a life and you knew that if she could do it wearing a uniform, she would be all in. Do you remember how proud she was to wear her South Metro EMT t-shirts with her black or blue cargo pants and service boots? I was just glad to finally get her to stop wearing my old BDU’ Army fatigues.

Lord you saw when She finally landed on nursing, and her journey began. I remember her coming home from her ACC nursing practical’s so happy and declaring; “This is what I’m made for.” She was right, that’s what she was made for, wasn’t it God? Along that journey to graduation, this fiery reckless girl would work, study, take classes, tutor, study some more, clean houses, nanny, study again, go to plays, make friends, make messes, study still, spend time with family, and talk. And boy would she talk, but you already know that God.

She would talk to you too. She would pour out her heart to you for her family, her friends, her neighbors, her enemies. She would bring you her dreams, her hurts, her fears, even her favorite actors and actresses. Remember how she would even write down her prayers to you God? When she finally made it to be able to work in the hospitals, first as a CNA, and then as a nurse, she would pray for her patients, their families, and her coworkers. But you know God how she would also put feet to those prayers. She would always say, “I might not be able to change your situation, but I can change your day.” And she would do just that over and over with all those she would come into contact with.

Oh God, her mom (Anita White) and I (David White) are so sad that she is gone, but God, we are also so thankful that more than 28 years ago, you put YOUR life into that dark place, and a heart started to beat. This place of sadness and pain we are in now seems like such a heavy weight. Oh God, you know how our hearts break over the sorrow that Sarah’s brothers and sisters are feeling: Matthew, David and Sheree, Rachel and Ryan, Joshua, Caleb, Hannah, Timothy, Naomi, John, and Abigail. And oh God, her little nephew Jeremiah, and niece Elena, their tender hearts are breaking too.

Please God protect them and care for them. Sarah loved them so so much. Oh God, don’t forget Austin and the rest of Sarah’s fan club made up of all her family and friends, it is so wide, and so deep. Please be near to anyone who has shown any kindness to our precious fiery, reckless, daughter. And God most of all, I pray that the same life of YOURS that went into that dark place over 28 yrs ago and caused that precious little heart to beat, will come into this dark place of all our sorrows, pain, hurt, questions, sadness, anger, and doubt, and make our hearts to beat just like you did for Sarah. I love you God, and please give Sarah a hug for me and her mom, and we will always remember...

You made her that way!

~ David White (Daddy)

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